Fic: New Perspective: Brendon
Aug. 27th, 2009 11:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wednesday_whimsyTitle: New Perspective: Brendon
Author: jacqui_hw
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon, Spencer/Jon
Word Count: 3,245
Warnings: Language, pure unadulterated fluff
Summary: Post-split. After the Blink tour, Spencer, Brendon, Ryan and Jon decide to take a trip together to reconnect.
AN: This fic has morphed from a one-shot into something else. This is the final part. They can be read in any order. All the other parts are linked at the end. I make no apologies for the fluffiness of this fic.
"Have you spoken to Ryan recently?" Brendon asked right before they went on stage. Spencer looked at him, surprised. "Or Jon. Or Jon. I'm not... I wasn't..."
Spencer narrowed his eyes at Brendon. "What?"
"Never mind," Brendon replied, all but running onto the stage. The crowd in front of them roared and Brendon grinned as they launched into the first song.
He'd figure it out after.
---
The thing about Ryan and Spencer was... Well the thing was, Brendon didn't really understand them. Over the past few months, he and Spencer had bonded more than ever before, forged a new road for themselves, created a new path that was, for the first time ever, just them and not Ryan too. He was terrified. He figured Spencer would be even more terrified.
One night, long ago, before Brendon had even been part of the band, (Spencer swore up and down that there wasn't actually a probation period, but Brendon had seen the glint in Ryan's eye and was convinced that was a lie,) he'd sat curled up at one end of Spencer's sofa, Brent cackling maniacally beside him and watched Ryan and Spencer act out of Moulin Rogue, because Brendon hadn't seen it, but Spencer didn't have a copy.
Ryan swooned into Spencer's arms a little too realistically and sent them both crashing to the ground. If it was possible Brent laughed harder. Brendon bit his lip and shifted forward to help. Brent had grabbed his arm and gasped, "No, wait."
"Ow, ow, get the fuck off me."
"I'm trying, asshole. Calm down."
"Your bony elbows are digging into me. Ow, seriously Ryan."
"Seriously Spencer, it's not my fault you have sensitive girly hips..."
"Fuck you, George."
There was a loud slap and a yelp. Brendon had been worried, but a glance at Brent had told him to wait. The giggling started a second later. They rolled around on the floor; could maybe have been wrestling if they weren't so blatantly tickling each other.
"Oh God, oh God, stop Ryan, stop...."
"Say it."
"Never!"
"Say it!"
"I hate you."
"Liar!"
If anything, the giggling had only increased. Brendon wasn't entirely sure what was going on. On their way down the drive that night, he'd turned to Brent and said, "Do they always fight like that?"
Brent had been rather obviously confused. "Wait, you have brothers right?"
"Well yeah, but..."
Brent had shrugged as though the conversation was over. "Stop thinking about them being friends. It's not like that. It's different. They're family."
Twelve years later, Spencer had come home from his lunch with Ryan and sprawled out on the sofa next to Brendon.
"We're taking a break for a while," Spencer said, looking at the TV and not Brendon. "We'll see what happens."
Brendon suddenly felt very cold. "Right. Yeah. So, what do I um...? I guess me and Eric could."
Spencer did look at him then. "What are you talking about? Ryan and Jon need to do their own thing."
"Yeah but," Brendon felt like he was back sitting in Spencer's living room watching them fight. "It's Ryan. He's your..."
"I know what he is," Spencer said, pulling Brendon against him, arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders. "But so are you. So we're going to keep doing this, okay?"
"Okay."
---
"What were you saying before?" Spencer asked when they got back to the bus. "What about Jon?"
Brendon laughed, throwing his head back, thoroughly amused, which gave Spencer the opportunity he needed to slip into the bathroom for the first shower. "Asshole!"
He sat down at the kitchen table to wait, still buzzed from the show and felt a surge of courage. Before he could even stop to think about it, he pulled out his phone and called Ryan.
The phone rang, and rang, and rang. He waited ten rings and then waited ten more for good measure. He hung up. Maybe he was busy. Maybe he'd lost his phone.
Maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you.
Brendon abandoned the phone on the table and went to find a bottle of water. He switched on the TV so he'd have something to distract him. He waited another fifteen minutes, trying not to glance at the phone, pretending he didn't care if it rang or not. But Spencer was still in the shower, so he had nothing to focus on besides that and Wheel of Fortune.
He grabbed the phone and perched on the back of sofa, remembering, just in time, Spencer's "no sweat in communal spaces" rule. Spencer was weird sometimes.
"Just ring, damn you. Call me back!"
The phone trilled merrily, Ryan's programmed tune, and Brendon jumped in surprise, scrambling to answer. "Hey!"
"Hey," Ryan answered. He sounded nervous.
"I didn't think you were going to call back."
"I didn't know what to say. It took me two weeks to call Pete. And Pete's not..."
Brendon was starting to get confused. He'd called Ryan exactly seventeen minutes ago. "Not what?"
"Not you? It's different with you."
Brendon felt some of the tension ease out of him. Golf was all very well, but there was something about Ryan's voice that always made him feel better. Especially when he was being sincere.
"How's the album going?"
"Good. Done. We finished today."
He could hear the smile in Ryan's voice and the pride for what he and Jon were doing. But there was something else, underneath. Brendon didn't really get it. He needed to be looking at Ryan's face. He smiled to himself wryly. He missed Ryan's face.
"When do we get to hear it? We get to hear it first right?"
"Yeah. Of course you do."
Brendon heard the shower turn off and without thinking too hard about why, opened the door to the bus and jumped down onto the grass. He could see Pete running up to join Patrick at the side of the stage and turned to walk in the opposite direction.
"So, how've you...?" he began just as Ryan said, "How's the tour?"
They both laughed. Brendon checked he had his laminate and slipped quickly past a security guard, across the park, away from the crowds.
"You first."
"No," Ryan responded. "You go. I haven't been doing much."
"Not true," Brendon said with a grin. "You got married."
"Oh my God," Ryan laughed. "Shut the fuck up."
Brendon laughed in return, finally feeling at ease. "What? You looked cute together."
"I didn't think you'd seen it." He was lying, Brendon could tell.
"I thought you weren't talking to me."
Ryan stifled a sigh and Brendon did the same, sitting down beneath a lonely tree in the middle of the field. "Brendon..."
"It's okay to say you miss me you know," Brendon said, knowing if he didn't, Ryan never would. "I miss you. You and Jon.
"It's weird."
"It is."
Ryan laughed again. "I do miss you."
"Good," Brendon said, smiling. "So what are we going to do about it?"
---
Brendon wasn't entirely sure what his problem was. It was just that, when faced with Ryan for the first time in far too fucking long, the urge to make fun was overwhelming. Usually he would spread it out and Ryan wouldn't get upset. But it had been five very long months and he was overexcited and, well, they'd sort of forgotten.
"Ryan, I'm sorry. It was a joke. You know how I am. It was funny. Come on, you have to admit it was funny."
And it really was funny, Brendon thought. Ryan had been making fun of it, (Ryan had been funny) so why couldn't he? He snuggled closed to Ryan and clung to him arm. "Ryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyan."
"Okay fine, Jesus," Ryan snapped. "Just stop talking. Don't you ever get tired of the sound of your own voice?"
Brendon blinked and thought about it. He waited until Ryan was relaxed and reading again, when he could be at his most obnoxious. "Not really," he said eventually, grinning when Ryan jumped. "You miss me talking when I'm not around. Be honest. Now that I'm gone most of the time, don't you appreciate me that much more?"
And, perfect, he'd made Ryan blush. He counted that as a win. Jon and Spencer sadly ruined the moment by laughing. He scrambled up to his knees and leaned over the seat. "Jon Walker, you do miss me. Tell me you do."
---
That night Brendon was the night Brendon finally allowed himself to feel happy. They hadn't just sat and talked to each other for the longest time. Brendon remembered that these people, these friends of his were the best thing that had ever happened to him. Spencer was more relaxed than he had been in months and Jon didn't look like he'd ever stop smiling. The two of them together looked happier than Brendon could ever remember them being. And Ryan...
Brendon watched Ryan, across the table on the terrace, once Spencer and Jon had claimed the living room for themselves. He filled Ryan's glass and poured the rest into his own, ignoring Ryan's raised eyebrow and amused smirk.
"Do you think he knows?" he asked, twisting in his seat until he could see Spencer lying mostly in Jon's lap, on the sofa.
Ryan sipped his wine, with a smile. "Which one are we talking about?"
Brendon turned back and raised his glass to Ryan in a silent toast. They both dissolved into laughter.
There was something strange and comfortable about the evening. The last time he'd felt this easy with Ryan had been a long time ago. Back before their baggage had become too much to carry between them anymore.
"You know," Brendon said, unsure why the words were even coming out of his mouth, "when we met, I sort of thought..." He trailed off and laughed self-consciously. "I kind of had a thing for you for a while."
"You did?" Ryan asked. He sounded strange. Brendon kept his eyes fixed on the stars.
"Feels like forever ago now." Brendon thought he'd like to go back to that time, when it had been so much easier to feel, even if he hadn't been able to express it.
Jon and Spencer yelled something at the TV and began to laugh. Brendon chuckled softly, finally looking over at Ryan.
"Thanks for bringing us here."
Ryan smiled. "Thanks for coming."
---
Brendon woke up surrounded by Ryan.
He'd wondered, all those time when they'd woken up together in his tiny apartment, how Ryan managed to generate so much heat when he was so ridiculously skinny. Now, just like then, it felt like Brendon was sleeping inside a furnace. He grinned widely but kept his eyes shut. He knew Ryan was still asleep. It took more than Brendon turning in his arms to wake him up.
It might be a little creepy, Brendon thought, but he loved to watch Ryan, when Ryan had no idea he was doing it. And in sleep he looked wholly innocent and adorable. Brendon imagined kissing him awake, sliding his hands down to his ass and pulling him closer. He hadn't wanted this much in a very long time.
He ran a finger tentatively over Ryan's cheek and smiled when Ryan turned towards it, seeking him out. If he'd thought for a second he'd have gotten away with it, Brendon would have insisted that they stay there all day. But he'd finally managed to talk Spencer and Ryan into going to see the dolphins, and who knew when he'd get another chance.
"Ryan."
Brendon kept his voice low and insistent as he wrapped his fingers around Ryan's arms and shook him.
"Ryan, Ryan, wake up."
---
It was odd, Brendon thought, that one moment you could having a tickle-fight with one of your best friends, and the next, said best friend could be leaning slowly towards you and kissing you like you've wanted him to since pretty much the day you met him.
Brendon really didn't want to mess it up. He kept it slow and light, but couldn't resist sliding his hands up into Ryan's hair, tugging as gently as he could, encouraging.
"I've wanted to do that for the longest time," Ryan breathed when they pulled apart. He rested his forehead against Brendon's, panting a little.
"Why didn't you?" Brendon asked, curious. If they could have been doing this for years, he was going to be annoyed.
Ryan hesitated. "I was worried it was going to mess up the band."
Brendon burst out laughing, instinctively curling his body up and knocking Ryan off him, where he collapsed in a near hysterical heap.
Eventually the laughter faded and they were left smiling at each other. Brendon reached out, took Ryan's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"Are you sleeping here?" he asked when Ryan sat up. Their hands were still joined.
"Do you want me to?"
Brendon nodded and rolled up onto his knees. He placed his hands on Ryan's shoulders and leaned in close to kiss him again. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but he knew he wanted to keep doing it.
"We can sleep," Brendon whispered, pressing another kiss to Ryan's jaw. "Tomorrow we can work out the rest."
---
Dinner the next night was very strange. Brendon had spent much of the day surfing and he knew Ryan had been, well not avoiding him maybe, but he'd certainly been a little freaked out by the previous evening and Brendon was happy to give him his space to work things out. But all through dinner, Ryan had been fidgeting and shooting him odd looks. Half-way through a story about him and Ian singing Tribute, and Ian making him laugh so hard that his lemonade had come out of his nose, Ryan began to yawn. Brendon was starting to get worried. Surely Ryan couldn't be jealous of Ian?
Spencer kicked him.
"Ow! Spencer, what the fuck?"
"Ryan's tired," Jon said, "so wish him goodnight, so he can go to bed."
Brendon frowned. Everyone was acting weird. Ryan looked irritated. "Um, goodnight?"
Ryan rolled his eyes, but let his hand fall to brush his fingers over Brendon's shoulder as he passed. "Goodnight," he murmured, as his thumb stroked quickly over Brendon's neck. Suddenly everything made a lot more sense.
He tried to finish the story, though he could feel his face getting hot and now he could blatantly see the way both Spencer and Jon were smirking at him. He fell silent and began to fidget, until Jon put him out of his misery and stood up. "I think it's time for bed."
"Yeah," Brendon said quickly as he jumped up. "Yeah it's getting late. Night guys." He all but ran inside.
"You're lucky I didn't fall asleep," Ryan said dryly, as soon as Brendon entered the room.
"If you'd told me this was your plan for the evening, I would have left when you did," Brendon said with a leer, as he took in the sight of Ryan lying, presumably naked beneath the covers. He pulled his shirt over his head. "I was rather hoping I'd get to undress you myself."
"And waste another ten minutes?" Ryan snorted. "It took you long enough to get here."
Brendon stumbled out of his jeans and pushed off his underwear, finally taking in the dimmed lights and candles on top of the dresser. "Candles?" He beamed at Ryan and stepped closer. "Ryan Ross, I never knew you were a romantic."
"Oh my God. Shut u.."
Brendon surged forward and cut him off with a kiss. He cupped Ryan's face, and smiled when Ryan moaned and pulled him down into his lap. Brendon rolled his hips, pressing closer. "Fuck," he breathed, kissing Ryan harder. "Ryan, I want..."
"I know," Ryan murmured, catching Brendon's lower lip again. "I want it too."
---
The next morning Brendon begged Jon to give him another piggy-back ride along the beach.
"Giddy-up!" he yelled, and clung tightly to Jon's shoulders as he began to run, laughing the whole time.
"So," Jon said when he finally dropped Brendon to his feet. "You and Ryan huh?"
Brendon threw his head back and laughed. "Yeah. It only took five years."
Jon grinned. "Hey for Ryan, that's..."
"Impressive, yeah I know." Brendon kicked some sand at Jon's legs and smiled when Jon kicked some back at him, then pulled him into a hug.
"I'm happy for you."
"As you should be," Brendon told him grinning. He pulled away and spun in a circle, laughing. He caught sight of a group of teenagers, who'd been watching them since they were half way down the beach, and waved at them. "Hey, hey, I'm the little duck!" he shouted. Beside him, Jon doubled over with laughter. "I'm the little duck!"
The walked back towards Ryan and Spencer who seemed to be having a rather intense conversation. Brendon knelt at the bottom of Ryan's lounger and crawled slowly towards him, until he was straddling Ryan's hips.
"Big duck," he said solemnly. Ryan was staring up at him, with some strange look in his eyes. Brendon wasn't sure what it was, but he thought it looked wonderful. He stroked his hands over Ryan's hair and Ryan pressed his nose against Brendon's stomach.
"Little duck."
---
That night Brendon and Ryan never even made it out of their room.
Somewhere around one am, just after round number four, Brendon lay with his arms around Ryan, their legs tangled together. There was something he'd been wanting to ask Ryan all week, all month, ever since... He'd never been able to work up the courage before.
"Do you regret it?" he asked, and he laced their fingers together, pulling Ryan's hand back to kiss his wrist.
"Do you?" Ryan replied. Brendon knew he was trying to wriggle out of answering and poked him gently in the stomach with his free hand.
"I asked first."
"Sometimes," Ryan sighed. "Sometimes I do, yes."
Brendon considered this for a moment and dropped a kiss on Ryan's neck. "Do you think we could go back?" he asked quietly, unsure which answer he wanted more. Not that he wouldn't love to be making music with Ryan and Jon, but this way, this time it was just him, proving he could be something else. Just him and Spencer and something new. Ryan wasn't the only one who had changed.
"No," Ryan answered and his hand tightened on Brendon's as though he was afraid Brendon would leave. Brendon tightened his arms around him. He wasn't going anywhere. "We can't go back," Ryan continued, "We can go forward."
Brendon kissed Ryan softly and relaxed back into the pillows, feeling happy and content.
Everything was going to work out perfectly.
New Perspective: Spencer
New Perspective: Ryan
New Perspective: Jon
Author: jacqui_hw
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon, Spencer/Jon
Word Count: 3,245
Warnings: Language, pure unadulterated fluff
Summary: Post-split. After the Blink tour, Spencer, Brendon, Ryan and Jon decide to take a trip together to reconnect.
AN: This fic has morphed from a one-shot into something else. This is the final part. They can be read in any order. All the other parts are linked at the end. I make no apologies for the fluffiness of this fic.
"Have you spoken to Ryan recently?" Brendon asked right before they went on stage. Spencer looked at him, surprised. "Or Jon. Or Jon. I'm not... I wasn't..."
Spencer narrowed his eyes at Brendon. "What?"
"Never mind," Brendon replied, all but running onto the stage. The crowd in front of them roared and Brendon grinned as they launched into the first song.
He'd figure it out after.
---
The thing about Ryan and Spencer was... Well the thing was, Brendon didn't really understand them. Over the past few months, he and Spencer had bonded more than ever before, forged a new road for themselves, created a new path that was, for the first time ever, just them and not Ryan too. He was terrified. He figured Spencer would be even more terrified.
One night, long ago, before Brendon had even been part of the band, (Spencer swore up and down that there wasn't actually a probation period, but Brendon had seen the glint in Ryan's eye and was convinced that was a lie,) he'd sat curled up at one end of Spencer's sofa, Brent cackling maniacally beside him and watched Ryan and Spencer act out of Moulin Rogue, because Brendon hadn't seen it, but Spencer didn't have a copy.
Ryan swooned into Spencer's arms a little too realistically and sent them both crashing to the ground. If it was possible Brent laughed harder. Brendon bit his lip and shifted forward to help. Brent had grabbed his arm and gasped, "No, wait."
"Ow, ow, get the fuck off me."
"I'm trying, asshole. Calm down."
"Your bony elbows are digging into me. Ow, seriously Ryan."
"Seriously Spencer, it's not my fault you have sensitive girly hips..."
"Fuck you, George."
There was a loud slap and a yelp. Brendon had been worried, but a glance at Brent had told him to wait. The giggling started a second later. They rolled around on the floor; could maybe have been wrestling if they weren't so blatantly tickling each other.
"Oh God, oh God, stop Ryan, stop...."
"Say it."
"Never!"
"Say it!"
"I hate you."
"Liar!"
If anything, the giggling had only increased. Brendon wasn't entirely sure what was going on. On their way down the drive that night, he'd turned to Brent and said, "Do they always fight like that?"
Brent had been rather obviously confused. "Wait, you have brothers right?"
"Well yeah, but..."
Brent had shrugged as though the conversation was over. "Stop thinking about them being friends. It's not like that. It's different. They're family."
Twelve years later, Spencer had come home from his lunch with Ryan and sprawled out on the sofa next to Brendon.
"We're taking a break for a while," Spencer said, looking at the TV and not Brendon. "We'll see what happens."
Brendon suddenly felt very cold. "Right. Yeah. So, what do I um...? I guess me and Eric could."
Spencer did look at him then. "What are you talking about? Ryan and Jon need to do their own thing."
"Yeah but," Brendon felt like he was back sitting in Spencer's living room watching them fight. "It's Ryan. He's your..."
"I know what he is," Spencer said, pulling Brendon against him, arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders. "But so are you. So we're going to keep doing this, okay?"
"Okay."
---
"What were you saying before?" Spencer asked when they got back to the bus. "What about Jon?"
Brendon laughed, throwing his head back, thoroughly amused, which gave Spencer the opportunity he needed to slip into the bathroom for the first shower. "Asshole!"
He sat down at the kitchen table to wait, still buzzed from the show and felt a surge of courage. Before he could even stop to think about it, he pulled out his phone and called Ryan.
The phone rang, and rang, and rang. He waited ten rings and then waited ten more for good measure. He hung up. Maybe he was busy. Maybe he'd lost his phone.
Maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you.
Brendon abandoned the phone on the table and went to find a bottle of water. He switched on the TV so he'd have something to distract him. He waited another fifteen minutes, trying not to glance at the phone, pretending he didn't care if it rang or not. But Spencer was still in the shower, so he had nothing to focus on besides that and Wheel of Fortune.
He grabbed the phone and perched on the back of sofa, remembering, just in time, Spencer's "no sweat in communal spaces" rule. Spencer was weird sometimes.
"Just ring, damn you. Call me back!"
The phone trilled merrily, Ryan's programmed tune, and Brendon jumped in surprise, scrambling to answer. "Hey!"
"Hey," Ryan answered. He sounded nervous.
"I didn't think you were going to call back."
"I didn't know what to say. It took me two weeks to call Pete. And Pete's not..."
Brendon was starting to get confused. He'd called Ryan exactly seventeen minutes ago. "Not what?"
"Not you? It's different with you."
Brendon felt some of the tension ease out of him. Golf was all very well, but there was something about Ryan's voice that always made him feel better. Especially when he was being sincere.
"How's the album going?"
"Good. Done. We finished today."
He could hear the smile in Ryan's voice and the pride for what he and Jon were doing. But there was something else, underneath. Brendon didn't really get it. He needed to be looking at Ryan's face. He smiled to himself wryly. He missed Ryan's face.
"When do we get to hear it? We get to hear it first right?"
"Yeah. Of course you do."
Brendon heard the shower turn off and without thinking too hard about why, opened the door to the bus and jumped down onto the grass. He could see Pete running up to join Patrick at the side of the stage and turned to walk in the opposite direction.
"So, how've you...?" he began just as Ryan said, "How's the tour?"
They both laughed. Brendon checked he had his laminate and slipped quickly past a security guard, across the park, away from the crowds.
"You first."
"No," Ryan responded. "You go. I haven't been doing much."
"Not true," Brendon said with a grin. "You got married."
"Oh my God," Ryan laughed. "Shut the fuck up."
Brendon laughed in return, finally feeling at ease. "What? You looked cute together."
"I didn't think you'd seen it." He was lying, Brendon could tell.
"I thought you weren't talking to me."
Ryan stifled a sigh and Brendon did the same, sitting down beneath a lonely tree in the middle of the field. "Brendon..."
"It's okay to say you miss me you know," Brendon said, knowing if he didn't, Ryan never would. "I miss you. You and Jon.
"It's weird."
"It is."
Ryan laughed again. "I do miss you."
"Good," Brendon said, smiling. "So what are we going to do about it?"
---
Brendon wasn't entirely sure what his problem was. It was just that, when faced with Ryan for the first time in far too fucking long, the urge to make fun was overwhelming. Usually he would spread it out and Ryan wouldn't get upset. But it had been five very long months and he was overexcited and, well, they'd sort of forgotten.
"Ryan, I'm sorry. It was a joke. You know how I am. It was funny. Come on, you have to admit it was funny."
And it really was funny, Brendon thought. Ryan had been making fun of it, (Ryan had been funny) so why couldn't he? He snuggled closed to Ryan and clung to him arm. "Ryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyan."
"Okay fine, Jesus," Ryan snapped. "Just stop talking. Don't you ever get tired of the sound of your own voice?"
Brendon blinked and thought about it. He waited until Ryan was relaxed and reading again, when he could be at his most obnoxious. "Not really," he said eventually, grinning when Ryan jumped. "You miss me talking when I'm not around. Be honest. Now that I'm gone most of the time, don't you appreciate me that much more?"
And, perfect, he'd made Ryan blush. He counted that as a win. Jon and Spencer sadly ruined the moment by laughing. He scrambled up to his knees and leaned over the seat. "Jon Walker, you do miss me. Tell me you do."
---
That night Brendon was the night Brendon finally allowed himself to feel happy. They hadn't just sat and talked to each other for the longest time. Brendon remembered that these people, these friends of his were the best thing that had ever happened to him. Spencer was more relaxed than he had been in months and Jon didn't look like he'd ever stop smiling. The two of them together looked happier than Brendon could ever remember them being. And Ryan...
Brendon watched Ryan, across the table on the terrace, once Spencer and Jon had claimed the living room for themselves. He filled Ryan's glass and poured the rest into his own, ignoring Ryan's raised eyebrow and amused smirk.
"Do you think he knows?" he asked, twisting in his seat until he could see Spencer lying mostly in Jon's lap, on the sofa.
Ryan sipped his wine, with a smile. "Which one are we talking about?"
Brendon turned back and raised his glass to Ryan in a silent toast. They both dissolved into laughter.
There was something strange and comfortable about the evening. The last time he'd felt this easy with Ryan had been a long time ago. Back before their baggage had become too much to carry between them anymore.
"You know," Brendon said, unsure why the words were even coming out of his mouth, "when we met, I sort of thought..." He trailed off and laughed self-consciously. "I kind of had a thing for you for a while."
"You did?" Ryan asked. He sounded strange. Brendon kept his eyes fixed on the stars.
"Feels like forever ago now." Brendon thought he'd like to go back to that time, when it had been so much easier to feel, even if he hadn't been able to express it.
Jon and Spencer yelled something at the TV and began to laugh. Brendon chuckled softly, finally looking over at Ryan.
"Thanks for bringing us here."
Ryan smiled. "Thanks for coming."
---
Brendon woke up surrounded by Ryan.
He'd wondered, all those time when they'd woken up together in his tiny apartment, how Ryan managed to generate so much heat when he was so ridiculously skinny. Now, just like then, it felt like Brendon was sleeping inside a furnace. He grinned widely but kept his eyes shut. He knew Ryan was still asleep. It took more than Brendon turning in his arms to wake him up.
It might be a little creepy, Brendon thought, but he loved to watch Ryan, when Ryan had no idea he was doing it. And in sleep he looked wholly innocent and adorable. Brendon imagined kissing him awake, sliding his hands down to his ass and pulling him closer. He hadn't wanted this much in a very long time.
He ran a finger tentatively over Ryan's cheek and smiled when Ryan turned towards it, seeking him out. If he'd thought for a second he'd have gotten away with it, Brendon would have insisted that they stay there all day. But he'd finally managed to talk Spencer and Ryan into going to see the dolphins, and who knew when he'd get another chance.
"Ryan."
Brendon kept his voice low and insistent as he wrapped his fingers around Ryan's arms and shook him.
"Ryan, Ryan, wake up."
---
It was odd, Brendon thought, that one moment you could having a tickle-fight with one of your best friends, and the next, said best friend could be leaning slowly towards you and kissing you like you've wanted him to since pretty much the day you met him.
Brendon really didn't want to mess it up. He kept it slow and light, but couldn't resist sliding his hands up into Ryan's hair, tugging as gently as he could, encouraging.
"I've wanted to do that for the longest time," Ryan breathed when they pulled apart. He rested his forehead against Brendon's, panting a little.
"Why didn't you?" Brendon asked, curious. If they could have been doing this for years, he was going to be annoyed.
Ryan hesitated. "I was worried it was going to mess up the band."
Brendon burst out laughing, instinctively curling his body up and knocking Ryan off him, where he collapsed in a near hysterical heap.
Eventually the laughter faded and they were left smiling at each other. Brendon reached out, took Ryan's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"Are you sleeping here?" he asked when Ryan sat up. Their hands were still joined.
"Do you want me to?"
Brendon nodded and rolled up onto his knees. He placed his hands on Ryan's shoulders and leaned in close to kiss him again. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but he knew he wanted to keep doing it.
"We can sleep," Brendon whispered, pressing another kiss to Ryan's jaw. "Tomorrow we can work out the rest."
---
Dinner the next night was very strange. Brendon had spent much of the day surfing and he knew Ryan had been, well not avoiding him maybe, but he'd certainly been a little freaked out by the previous evening and Brendon was happy to give him his space to work things out. But all through dinner, Ryan had been fidgeting and shooting him odd looks. Half-way through a story about him and Ian singing Tribute, and Ian making him laugh so hard that his lemonade had come out of his nose, Ryan began to yawn. Brendon was starting to get worried. Surely Ryan couldn't be jealous of Ian?
Spencer kicked him.
"Ow! Spencer, what the fuck?"
"Ryan's tired," Jon said, "so wish him goodnight, so he can go to bed."
Brendon frowned. Everyone was acting weird. Ryan looked irritated. "Um, goodnight?"
Ryan rolled his eyes, but let his hand fall to brush his fingers over Brendon's shoulder as he passed. "Goodnight," he murmured, as his thumb stroked quickly over Brendon's neck. Suddenly everything made a lot more sense.
He tried to finish the story, though he could feel his face getting hot and now he could blatantly see the way both Spencer and Jon were smirking at him. He fell silent and began to fidget, until Jon put him out of his misery and stood up. "I think it's time for bed."
"Yeah," Brendon said quickly as he jumped up. "Yeah it's getting late. Night guys." He all but ran inside.
"You're lucky I didn't fall asleep," Ryan said dryly, as soon as Brendon entered the room.
"If you'd told me this was your plan for the evening, I would have left when you did," Brendon said with a leer, as he took in the sight of Ryan lying, presumably naked beneath the covers. He pulled his shirt over his head. "I was rather hoping I'd get to undress you myself."
"And waste another ten minutes?" Ryan snorted. "It took you long enough to get here."
Brendon stumbled out of his jeans and pushed off his underwear, finally taking in the dimmed lights and candles on top of the dresser. "Candles?" He beamed at Ryan and stepped closer. "Ryan Ross, I never knew you were a romantic."
"Oh my God. Shut u.."
Brendon surged forward and cut him off with a kiss. He cupped Ryan's face, and smiled when Ryan moaned and pulled him down into his lap. Brendon rolled his hips, pressing closer. "Fuck," he breathed, kissing Ryan harder. "Ryan, I want..."
"I know," Ryan murmured, catching Brendon's lower lip again. "I want it too."
---
The next morning Brendon begged Jon to give him another piggy-back ride along the beach.
"Giddy-up!" he yelled, and clung tightly to Jon's shoulders as he began to run, laughing the whole time.
"So," Jon said when he finally dropped Brendon to his feet. "You and Ryan huh?"
Brendon threw his head back and laughed. "Yeah. It only took five years."
Jon grinned. "Hey for Ryan, that's..."
"Impressive, yeah I know." Brendon kicked some sand at Jon's legs and smiled when Jon kicked some back at him, then pulled him into a hug.
"I'm happy for you."
"As you should be," Brendon told him grinning. He pulled away and spun in a circle, laughing. He caught sight of a group of teenagers, who'd been watching them since they were half way down the beach, and waved at them. "Hey, hey, I'm the little duck!" he shouted. Beside him, Jon doubled over with laughter. "I'm the little duck!"
The walked back towards Ryan and Spencer who seemed to be having a rather intense conversation. Brendon knelt at the bottom of Ryan's lounger and crawled slowly towards him, until he was straddling Ryan's hips.
"Big duck," he said solemnly. Ryan was staring up at him, with some strange look in his eyes. Brendon wasn't sure what it was, but he thought it looked wonderful. He stroked his hands over Ryan's hair and Ryan pressed his nose against Brendon's stomach.
"Little duck."
---
That night Brendon and Ryan never even made it out of their room.
Somewhere around one am, just after round number four, Brendon lay with his arms around Ryan, their legs tangled together. There was something he'd been wanting to ask Ryan all week, all month, ever since... He'd never been able to work up the courage before.
"Do you regret it?" he asked, and he laced their fingers together, pulling Ryan's hand back to kiss his wrist.
"Do you?" Ryan replied. Brendon knew he was trying to wriggle out of answering and poked him gently in the stomach with his free hand.
"I asked first."
"Sometimes," Ryan sighed. "Sometimes I do, yes."
Brendon considered this for a moment and dropped a kiss on Ryan's neck. "Do you think we could go back?" he asked quietly, unsure which answer he wanted more. Not that he wouldn't love to be making music with Ryan and Jon, but this way, this time it was just him, proving he could be something else. Just him and Spencer and something new. Ryan wasn't the only one who had changed.
"No," Ryan answered and his hand tightened on Brendon's as though he was afraid Brendon would leave. Brendon tightened his arms around him. He wasn't going anywhere. "We can't go back," Ryan continued, "We can go forward."
Brendon kissed Ryan softly and relaxed back into the pillows, feeling happy and content.
Everything was going to work out perfectly.
New Perspective: Spencer
New Perspective: Ryan
New Perspective: Jon
